So...apparently Brad Pitt is human...and he realized time is fleeting. Parts of the interview were pretty positive but the lead-ins for the story were pretty dumb.

Anyway, here's the Onion's take on the article headlines:

Breaking News! Brad Pitt Is Familiar With The Transitory Nature Of Life!

People's got the scoop

By Amelie Gillette August 5, 2009

Some late nights you'll find yourself tossing and turning, unable to quiet that low, nagging voice that is always whining in some corner of your brain. During the day it's easy enough to drown out with other, more immediate thoughts, and most nights you can ignore it long enough to fall asleep. But some restless nights, the voice is just unrelenting—digging into your thought processes like a knuckle pressing directly into your brain tissue, until you can't take any more. You throw the sheets off, get out of bed, walk over to the open window and shout out the question that the voice in your head endlessly asks: "Is Brad Pitt aware of his own mortality?"

You wait for an answer, but especially considering that there are much more efficient means of both inquiry and communication besides shouting out of windows in the middle of the night, there isn't one. You return to bed, question unanswered, inner voice unquieted, and consider maybe next time googling it or something.  

But now, at last, People has given you relief. They have found the answer to your question:

 You can finally sleep tonight! 

Personally, I would have gone with "Brad Pitt Has Heard Of This Thing Called 'Death'" or "Brad Pitt Knows That He Is Mortal" or "Brad Pitt Knows That His Childhood Dog, Snappy, Wasn't Given Away To A Nice Family With A Big Backyard For Him To Run Around In." Or I would have eschewed the entire "time is fleeting" thing and gone with Huffington Post's headline about the same interview:

   

Always lead with grotto sex (ALWGS). It's the first rule of journalism.       

In a 7-sentence story, the UK's Mirror went with the headline "Brad Pitt admits to being a "doughnut" when younger due to dope-smoking" and then mentions that he "also revealed" that he's not homophobic and wouldn't be bothered if one of his children were gay.

"Maybe we'll get married when it's legal for everyone else." With all the ultra-religious nutjobs out there it takes some guts to say it. Hopefully soon acceptance will be something to be encouraged...not something to be "revealed" in the same breath as admitting to using illegal drugs (even in the British tabloids). Thank you Brad.

Brad Pitt: I'm Aware That 'Time Is Fleeting'
By Stephen M. Silverman
Originally posted Wednesday August 05, 2009 03:45 PM EDT
Brad Pitt
Photo by: Michael Muller / PARADE

Even though he's only 45, Brad Pitt is starting to feel his own mortality.

"As I've gotten older I've become aware that time is fleeting," the leading man tells Parade.com. "I don't want to waste whatever I have left. I want to spend it with the people I love, and I want to do things that really mean something."

And while he happily acknowledges that he enjoys being a family man with Angelina Jolie, Pitt views the relationship as follows: "I have love in my life, a soul mate – absolutely." As for marriage, he sticks by a response he gave some time ago: "Maybe we'll get married when it's legal for everyone else."

That stance, he says, has not proved popular in all quarters. "I took a lot of flak for saying it – hate mail from religious groups," Pitt says. "Just the other night, I heard this TV reverend say that Angie and I were setting a bad example because we were living out of wedlock, and people should not be duped by us! It made me laugh. What damn right does anyone have to tell someone else how to live if they're not hurting anyone?"

In his mind, "I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I've had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment."

As for his own kids, they "are a dominant value in my life now, and they weren't before. They were always something I thought I'd get around to having when the time was right … In a way, I think I had to go and exhaust me before I could be good at being a parent."